Last night, my husband has requested that he be back on insulin after two weeks of going off it. It was something we agreed on after I noticed that he has been eating all the no-no foods just because he is on insulin. We have already tried three months without the meds last year, just managing his diet so I figured why can’t we do it now? He agreed but last night he told me he felt bad about not eating what he wants. I felt angry because he still doesn’t get it. It’s not about eating what he wants, but eating what is right! I sacrifice minutes of sleep in the morning just to prepare his food yet here he is complaining as if it didn’t really matter.
But even if he says that, I still blame myself partly for it. I told him that the budget for his insulin, will be added to our monthly food allowance and that I’ll start cooking. But man, there are days. There are days when I am just too tired to wake up early and just hit the snooze button, or just snuggle with them in the morning, or scroll down Facebook endlessly.
Also lately, my son started asking for the iPad and cellphone to play Youtube videos. It’s just so easy to hand over the iPad and do whatever I want. Bedtime now starts with tears since he wouldn’t want to be parted with the iPad or the cellphone. My husband and I often talk about a detox but still, just one whiny kid and a couple of unwashed dishes in the kitchen (or Netflix!) and Clark’s off with the iPad or cellphone again.
The things I mentioned above stem from this: too much social media. With the addition of Instagram and Facebook stories, it even got worse for me. I could go on for hours just watching Instagram stories of celebrities and people I don’t even know. After putting the phone down, all I can do is just sigh and look at the list of things that I should do but didn’t have the time to do, and tell myself that I will do it again tomorrow. Or the next weekend. Or maybe never.
Two nights ago, we had no internet connection at home, so no social media, which means more time for Clark. Surprisingly, he handed over a book strewn across the floor (because I was so busy to pick it up) and we started reading and laughing together. It felt sooooo good even if he was asking me to ask him the sound of a bee over and over again. Bedtime that night was peaceful, and tear-free. He just slept soundly beside me in minutes.
I kept thinking about the things that has to change in our household, yet it only has to start with one simple and basic step: letting go of my smartphone and switch to what they call as a dumb phone. I didn’t want others to own my phone, so I asked my husband to give me back my old and trusty Blackberry 8320 (not a dumb phone but still, it has limited access to the internet), whose battery is about to give up, and in turn, I’d give him my phone. We just have to figure out how to insert the sim card into my phone.