Friyay!!! It’s that time of the month where I find my brain not working as it should. I am so distracted! And Iget this feeling mostly when I stumble upon new blogs with totally awesome content! And I am like, “Hey! Why can’t I write like that?”
Before I became a mother, I would frequent mom blogs (like this one, a favorite) and imagine myself being in her situation. I have always wanted to be a mother and reading her posts made me look forward to the experience all the more.
But of course, as every parent would say (and definitely know), it is not a walk in the park. In fact, in the early days, I often asked myself how other mothers seemed to know how to do it. I grew up surrounded with kids (I became an aunt when I was 10) but even that fact has not helped me to prepare what was about to come. I hyperventilate every time I think about how the tiny human being I am holding in my arms is now my responsibility. I dreaded going out to the public for fear of him crying his lungs out and people would think that I am not his mother and that I kidnapped him simply because I cannot console him. Luckily, that didn’t happen because 1) I did not go out of the house for a month after giving birth (yes, I was so afraid someone would accidentally elbow or hit my incision LOL) and 2) my baby loves to sleep, just like his papa.
The only thing I was so worried about was coping with lack of sleep. I love going to sleep (I need to get at least six straight hours to function normally). I can count with my fingers the number of times I was able to sleep soundly for that long. But hearing the horror stories of friends (and on some blogs I read), I am one lucky mama since my little one never ever made me wake up in the middle of the night and play with him. He wakes up, alright, but just because he wants the bottle. He couldn’t even stay awake enough to finish a six-ounce feed. He’d snooze right away.
So what really is my problem? Hahaha. It seems so OA to write about having a baby given the circumstances I am in. Well, my problem actually is: the guilt. I feel guilty about:
Not breastfeeding and sticking to formula
Going back to work earlier than scheduled, or just simply going to work and not being a full time mom
Easily gets tired of reading bedtime stories
Not buying him a cake every month before his first birthday (!) – was told this was necessary
And everything else that I think I should be doing as a first time mom.
So all the new moms out there, what are you feeling guilty about? Please tell me I am not alone in this.